I saw that they expect over 10 billion dollars to be exchanged hands during the Super Bowl on Sunday, obviously not just on who will win, but all sorts of dumb ass shit you can bet on. That’s why you might see a guy go nuts at the bar when Chad Ochocinco catches a pretty meaningless pass for ten yards that puts him over his 9.5 yardage over/under. That guy is just happy as fuck he just won like $4.75, that guy will then spend like 50 bucks at the bar he shouldn’t because of his glorious accomplishment, that’s the guy you want to be friends with. Avoid the guy who just laid his month late mortgage payment on the money line, this guy may be suicidal afterwards so make sure not to catch a ride home with him.
Since I’m still waiting on Gronk’s ankle to determine who I am going to lay my action on, I figured why not lay out a bunch of prop bets you can make with your local friendly bookie or website of choice, or maybe you’re going balls out and headed to Vegas.
MVP: I’m going Victor Cruz at 8:1. Sure, play it safe and don’t win shit on Brady at 7/5 or Manning at 9/4, but I like Cruz at those odds because he has been putting up huge numbers and with NE secondary being dog shit, I see Cruz putting up 12 rec for about 160 and 2 TD’s. Feeling really ballsy, go JPP at 25:1. Keep in mind this pick is only a good one because of the odds. I think Brady is your MVP.
How long will it take Kelly Clarkson to sing the National Anthem: O/U 1 minute and 34 seconds. I’m going over here. This robust singer will try to cling to every second of fame she can and will most certainly make it way more dramatic then need be.
There is a bunch more for Clarkson and the halftime performer Madonna, but who cares, if your betting on those you need 1-800-Bets-off. I mean it’s a sure thing that Madonna looks like a 60 year old slam pad, that will set the bar on how to look as cheap and hookerish as possible for all the grandmas out there and that Kelly Clarkson will appear as if she just consumed Danny Woodhead.
Live shots of Peyton Manning: O/U 3.5. I’m going over. Once before kickoff, a couple times when Eli does good and one in reference to Tom Brady coming into Peyton’s house.
Live shots of Giselle Bundchen: O/U .5. Might be the safest bet out there to take the over on this, I mean how can you as a producer avoid eye candy like that? Not to mention we will need something a little softer on the eyes after Peyton’s massive sized forehead.
Who will Barack Obama pick to win the game? Patriots -120 Giants -120. Go Patriots here. I may not agree with 99% of his bullshit, but he is still a very intelligent person and how can the President pick against the Patriots in an election year?
Color of Gatorade dumped on winning coach: Yellow at 5/2.
Passing Yards for Eli Manning: O/U 315.5. Over, I expect about 350 yards out of Eli.
Passing Attempts for Manning; O/U 39.5. The San Francisco game where he attempted 60 passes, they were avoiding SF’s run defense. They will try to exploit the Patriots run defense and try to keep Brady off the field. Under is the pick.
Longest completion for Manning; 45.5 yards. Over, I expect at least one long play out of Cruz or Nicks.
Completions for Manning; 24.5, over, if we see Edelman chasing guys around in the secondary, Eli will complete plenty over the middle.
TD Passes for Eli; 2.5. Under, I see two passing touchdowns both to Cruz and both might be long. They will pound it up the middle at the goal line.
Interceptions for Eli: .5. Over, Eli has been great since December, but he still will gift wrap one to the Patriots. I hope its Vince Wilfork’s huge ass that catches it and rumbles down the field 20 yards and runs out of gas.
Players other than Eli on the Giants:
Ahmad Bradshaw: O 62.5 yds rush/ U 13.5 carries/ U 16.5 yds on longest run/ U 22.5 rec yds/ -140 no td
Brandon Jacobs: O 30.5 yds rush/ O 7.5 carries/ O 10.5 yds on longest run/ O 5.5 rec yds/ +175 yes td
Hakeem Nicks: O 85.5 yds rec/ U 26.5 yds longest rec/ O 5.5 rec/ -115 yes td
Victor Cruz: O 89.5 yds rec/ O 11.5 yds on first rec/ O 6 total rec/ +110 yes td/O 27.5 longest rec
Lock on defense: Osi Umenyiora: Over 2.5 tackles and assists.
Tom Brady Passing Yards: O 320.5. Passing Attempts: O 39.5. Completions: O 25.5. Pass TD: O 2.5. Interceptions: U .5 at +135. 4 or more TD Passes at +200.
Obviously, I’m looking for Tom to have a huge day, throw for a bunch of yards, touchdowns and win the Super Bowl and celebrate so much Giselle isn’t walking right for a week.
Other Patriots:
Green-Ellis: U 47.5 rush yds -105/U 12.5 carries Even $/ No TD -150
Woodhead: O 25.5 rush yds -105/ U 5.5 carries -125/ Yes TD +300 (Predicting a BB wrinkle play)
Welker: O 82.5 rec yds/ O 7 rec -115/ No TD -140
OchoCinco: I’m going over on both his pathetic yards and ½ reception O/U purely because I think Brady will find him just to shut him up. After all, he will be on a mission to make sure people remember he was on this team.
These next wagers offer a whole list of people to choose from all with different odds. I just put the category and my pick.
Player to score first TD of game: Aaron Hernandez at 7/1.
First Giants TD of the game: Brandon Jacobs 6/1
First Patriot TD of the game: Hernandez 4/1
First Giants Reception of game: Hakeem Nicks 3/1
First Patriots Reception of game: Welker 5/2
First Interception in the game: Devin McCourty 15/2
There is a bunch of other prop bets that I just didn’t feel like typing up, but you get the picture, there is a bunch of worthless shit to bet on Sunday.
As for the game, I think this will be one of the great Super Bowls of all time. I think we have a much different outcome then the 17-14 game a few years ago. This year I see a shootout much like the first time they met in the regular season when New England went undefeated and it was like 38-35 or something close to that. Looking at how these two teams matchup you’d have to give the advantage to New York in almost every category, but you have to factor in Tom Brady. I think Belichick will have his team ready to go and will not accept another Super Bowl defeat to the same team that ended perfection even if the Giants might be the better overall team.
37-31 Patriots (Prediction is assuming that mammoth mother fucker Gronk is playing.) MVP: DUH





